I admit to being a former spoiled teenager. I didn't even do the basic things required to take care of myself (even being nagged to take a shower), nevermind the chores around the house. Now, over a decade later, I now do the things that others would consider part of being a responsible adult.
What changed? A trial-by-fire in autonomy in college that I failed.
Basically the story is that I wasn't responsible enough at the time, and it came back to bite me very hard. I returned home with my tail firmly between my legs.
But for the first time I had a taste of true freedom. No nagging, no schedules, no authorities telling me what to do. If I didn't want to go to class, nobody was going to make me. If I didn't want to do laundry, then I had a big pile of stinking clothes. If I didn't want to cook, then I spent money on eating out. I painfully learned what it took to take care of myself as an adult. Hell, I'm still learning.
Freedom is weird like that. On the one hand, it's the greatest feeling ever. The whole world feels like your oyster. On the other hand, it has a MASSIVE cost in both time and money. Rent, showering, work, food, car, gas, insurance, phone, computer, internet, etc. If you want that kind of freedom, you damn well better earn it.
Autonomy is a kind of freedom that I believe we don't give to children here in America. We don't trust them with that kind of freedom, so we swoop in and guide their every move and every minute. This is an enabling behavior because it doesn't allow for children to take responsibility, and yet we want them to magically have it. In fact, I would argue that kids don't even think about the basics because the parents magically take care of it for them, or nag them until it is done.
If we want our children to be autonomous and responsible, we need to give them the space to fail and face the intrinsic consequences of that failure without swooping in to help.
What changed? A trial-by-fire in autonomy in college that I failed.
Basically the story is that I wasn't responsible enough at the time, and it came back to bite me very hard. I returned home with my tail firmly between my legs.
But for the first time I had a taste of true freedom. No nagging, no schedules, no authorities telling me what to do. If I didn't want to go to class, nobody was going to make me. If I didn't want to do laundry, then I had a big pile of stinking clothes. If I didn't want to cook, then I spent money on eating out. I painfully learned what it took to take care of myself as an adult. Hell, I'm still learning.
Freedom is weird like that. On the one hand, it's the greatest feeling ever. The whole world feels like your oyster. On the other hand, it has a MASSIVE cost in both time and money. Rent, showering, work, food, car, gas, insurance, phone, computer, internet, etc. If you want that kind of freedom, you damn well better earn it.
Autonomy is a kind of freedom that I believe we don't give to children here in America. We don't trust them with that kind of freedom, so we swoop in and guide their every move and every minute. This is an enabling behavior because it doesn't allow for children to take responsibility, and yet we want them to magically have it. In fact, I would argue that kids don't even think about the basics because the parents magically take care of it for them, or nag them until it is done.
If we want our children to be autonomous and responsible, we need to give them the space to fail and face the intrinsic consequences of that failure without swooping in to help.